Nonviolent Communication supports us to

 

• Create a quality of connection where everyone’s needs are valued and strategies to meet needs contribute to connection, harmony and peace

 

• Be congruent with our values in thought, speech and action

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• Cultivate moment to moment awareness of what is alive in ourselves and others, and to be able to clearly articulate this

 

• Bring consciousness to the interdependence of our well being

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• Give to others and ourselves, not out of duty, obligation, guilt,  shame, fear of punishment or hope for a reward, but because it's in our nature to enjoy giving to one another

 

• Transform our patterns of thinking that lead to anger, guilt, shame and depression

 

• Develop our ability to transform our own and others judgement, blame and criticism into understanding, compassion and the peaceful resolution of conflict

 

• Use power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned

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• Bring together honesty and kindness; compassion and accountability; individuality and connection. Be assertive and negotiable at the same time

 

• Use language and actions that are efficient, effective and full of integrity

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• Support others in our families and communities to find calm and clarity when they are reactive or upset

 

• Focus our attention on what matters most

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• Speak and listen so that conflict turns into collaboration, so that we access all parts of the brain for more creativity and inspiration and shared power

 

• Receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in, or losing self-esteem

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The framework of Nonviolent Communication

 

In any moment we can choose between the three modes of communication: expressing ourselves authentically,  listening with empathy and self-connection.

 

Each mode comprises four components:

• Observations free of evaluations

• Feelings straight from the heart

• Needs, values and longings

• Requests, in clear positive action language

 

Although it is taught in reference to this particular model and designed as a communication process, NVC is indeed much more than this: it is a way of living more compassionately, powerfully and effectively in relationship to ourselves and others. It is an invitation to focus our attention where we have the greatest chance of finding what we are seeking, connection. It reminds us of the profound value of human interactions and helps us live with that awareness.

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Unfortunately, the many ways to misunderstand NVC have caused a lot of trouble for people rushing to put it to practice; the unfortunate others who they are non-consensually practicing on, as well as the reputation of NVC. So we share a small note on a big subject in this page on 'The Common Misunderstandings of NVC'

 

If you're interested to explore this more, check out the 'TRAININGS' tab, in particular the NVC foundation trainings: 'The Key to NVC' and 'Communicate to Connect'